How To Win Friends & Influence People By Dale Carnegie.
How to Win Friends & Influence People By Dale Carnegie is all about how one should maintain a good relationship with your fellow ones and the communication process. According to the survey, the author also stated that Health is the prime interest of adults and the secondary interest is People.
In this book, Dale Carnegie mostly focuses on Human relations and communication skills the main and all the principles are classified into Four Parts followed by their subparts in which the author explains every fundament in a very simple way by telling the true stories or by giving examples.
Fundamental Techniques In Handling People.
Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.
“If You Want to Gather Honey, Don’t Kick Over the Beehive” Always remember while dealing with people we are not dealing with creatures’ logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.
The author specifies that criticizing someone doesn’t make them feel bad about themselves or it’s hard for one to criticized someone without using a bad expression but by not using a single negative word we can realize someone their mistake without feeling them badly.
While dealing Humans only good speak is more attractive than bad and after complimenting them and putting their drawback forward they force themselves to change.
Give honest and sincere appreciation.
The Big Secret of Dealing with People. Some authorities say that people go insane to get the feeling of importance that has been denied them in the harsh world of reality.
The author says that people attract more when they get a feeling of importance and attention from their fellow ones.
In Business mostly people first start their conversation about the other person’s interest topics to get the deal done or by praising their employee publicly as well as privately most people don’t show interest because of a lack of appreciation and that also causes the loss.
But remember that only sincere appreciation works don’t show flattery. The difference between both is that one is sincere and the other insincere. The one comes from the heart and the other comes from the teeth out. One is unselfish and the other selfish.
“Don’t be afraid of enemies who attack you. Be afraid of the friends who flatter you.”
Arouse in the other person an eager want.
“He Who Can Do This Has The Whole World with Him. He Who Cannot Walks a Lonely Way” simply means that people who can put themselves in the place of other people, who can understand the working of their minds, need never worry about the future has in store for them.
In other words, if any person wants someone to convey their ideas, business deals or any other want from others first put yourself into the shoes of others see the whole scenario from the other point of view this will help you to get what you want in a more perfect way.
“If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from other person’s angle as well as from your own.”
Six Ways To Make People Like You.
Become genuinely interested in other people.
Do This and You’ll Be Welcome Anywhere. You can make more friends in two months by becoming genuinely interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.
Give accomplishments on their small achievements be a genuine cheerleader and celebrated every small event or achievement. These small things people cherish in lifetime memories. So be genuinely interested then only people will show interest in you.
A Simple Way To Make a Good First Impression. A smile is the expression one wears on one’s face is far more important than the clothes one wears on one’s back.
Everybody in the world is seeking happiness – and there is one sure way to find it. That is by controlling your thoughts. Happiness doesn’t depend on outward conditions. It depends on inner conditions.
It isn’t what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about it the only difference is the way of perspective in seeing the things and always carrying the good mindset.
Shakespeare said, “There is nothing either good or bad, thinking makes it so.”
Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
If You Don’t Do This, You Are Headed for Trouble. We all should be aware of the magic contains in a name and realize that the single item is wholly and completely owned by the person with whom we are dealing and nobody else.
The name sets the individual apart; it makes him or her unique among all others. The information we are imparting or the request we are making takes on special importance when we approach the situation with the name of the individual. From the waitress to the senior executive, the name will work magic as we deal with others.
Before going to a meeting with anyone whether it’s an informal or formal meeting always look through the details about the person especially the name while meeting the person first greet him or her with a name that will show interest.
Dale Carnegie describes it nicely “The average person is more interested in his or her own name than in all the other names on the Earth put together.”
Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
An Easy Way to Become a Good Conversationalist. A successful conversation means Exclusive attention to the person who is speaking to you is very important. Nothing else is so flattering as that. We should take part in other person conversations as active listeners make themselves realize that you are taking a part in their conversation by asking questions and talking about their interesting topics.
Talk in terms of other’s person interest.
How to Interest People. Make yourself interested in other people’s interests by knowing their likes and dislikes, what they do in their free time? And many others and start to coordinate in their conversational interest. This is the best way to get someone onto your side.
“The royal road to a person’s heart is to talk about the things his or her interest most.” – T. Roosevelt.
Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.
How to Make People Like You Instantly. Treat the other person the way you want to be treated. The author says that “Talk to people about themselves and they will listen for hours.”
Practice this method and start doing this while meeting with people, especially the close ones.
How To Win People To Your Way Of Thinking.
The only want to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
You Can’t Win an Argument. If you argue and rankle and contradict, you may achieve a victory sometimes; but it will be an empty victory because you will never get your opponent’s goodwill.
Well, you have won the argument with your colleagues or friends but you lose their belief in you. So, try to avoid the heated conversation & when it is not so serious or will not cause any loss to you agreeing with other person is the best solution to win the other person.
If you want to prove someone wrong, see how you can discover what is right together.
Buddha said; “Hatred is never ended by hatred but by love,” and a misunderstanding is never ended by an argument but by tact, diplomacy, and a sympathetic desire to see the other person’s viewpoint.
Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say,” You’re wrong.”
A Sure Way of Making Enemies – and How to Avoid It. If you tell a person straight out that he or she is wrong. You only succeed in stripping that person of self-dignity and making yourself an unwelcome part of any discussion.
In other words, don’t argue with your customer or your spouse, or your adversary. Don’t tell them they are wrong, don’t get them stirred up. Use a little diplomacy.
Dale Carnegie says that If a person makes a statement that you think is wrong – yes, even that you know is wrong – isn’t it better to begin by saying; “Well, now, look, I thought otherwise, but I may be wrong. I frequently am. And if I am wrong. I want to be put right. Let’s examine the facts together.”
If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
If You’re Wrong, Admit it. If you are wrong admit it confidently so when other people see you as a human but by debating with them about the facts that you denied you will lose trust and empathy from the other person. Admitting you are wrong, people will understand your situation and even defend you.
Begin in a friendly way.
A Drop of Honey. If a man’s heart is rankling with discord and ill-feeling towards you, you can’t win him to your way of thinking with all the logic to realize that people don’t want to change their minds. They can’t be forced or driven to agree with you. But they possibly are led to, if we are gentle and friendly, ever so gentle and ever so friendly.
Lincoln said: “A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall.”
Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.
The Secret of Socrates. Try to start your conversation with the agreement. Before meeting with anyone figure out what are their interest and ask the questions that have only yes yes answers this will gradually give a yes for the new idea that you will put forward. Carnegie believe in the “Socrates method” His approach to the people always was to ask people questions with which they have to agree.
Chinese studies say “He who treads softly goes far.”
Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
The Safety Valve in Handling Complaints. Become a good listener, when people do not feel heard or don’t get the response or value as they wanted they close down or shut the contact.
La Rochefoucauld said: “If you want enemies, excel your friends; but if you want friends, let your friends excel you.”
Let the other person feel that the idea is his or her.
How to Get Cooperation. This is incredibly the important one. Always ask for the other person’s idea ask for suggestions this will work whether you are dealing in business or a family relation always seek to ask for their ideas individually and work together for the better one.
Twenty-five centuries ago, Lao-tse, a Chinese sage, said some things that readers of this book might use today:
“The reason why rivers and seas receive the homage of a hundred mountain streams is that they keep below them. Thus they are able to reign over all the mountain streams. So the sage, wishing to be above men, putten himself below them; wishing to be before them, he putteth himself behind them. Thus, though his place be above men, they do not feel his weight; though his place be before them, they do not count it an injury.”
Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
A Formula That Will Work Wonders for You. Cooperativeness in conversation is achieved when you show that you consider the other person’s ideas and feelings as important as your own. Starting your conversation by giving the other person the purpose or direction of your conversation, governing what you say by what you would want to hear if you were the listener, and accepting his or her viewpoint will encourage the listener to have an open mind to your ideas.”
Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
What Everybody Wants. The human species universally craves for i.e; SYMPATHY. Whether a child or adult to reap abundant sympathy they tell the other person their accidental events, show them their bruises and illness, especially details of surgical operations to gain the ‘Self-pity.’
Appeal to the nobler motives.
An Appeal That Everybody Likes. We all like to think of ourselves as good people that we have values, sincere and other compliments. But it’s also important to remind people of their higher values. So the author describes the same situation in the book also the tenant story how he handles the situation calmly by realizing his values and especially his given words.
Dramatize your ideas.
The Movies Do It. TV Does It. Why Don’t You Do It? It’s important for anyone who wants others to listen to their story or talks to listen interestingly one should dramatize their story by adding the expressions in it some actions and making it a little dramatic.
Don’t expect others to react to your boring storyline if you want things to be done at the end make the topics dramatic just like in Movies and TVs.
Throw down a challenge.
When Nothing Else Works, Try This. That is what every successful person love: the game. The chance for self-expression. The chance to prove his or her worth, to excel to win. That is what makes foot races and hog-calling and pie-eating contests. The desire to excel. The desire for a feeling of importance.
Be A Leader: How To Change People Without Giving Offense Or Arousing Resentment.
Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
If You Must Find Fault, This Is The Way to Begin. If you find something wrong with anyone’s work or complaints just analyze the situation and then try to tell that person while following steps 1. Giving him or her Honest appreciation of their work. 2. The problem you want to tell them about themselves. and 3. The compliment is if they do their work in the way you want.
Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
How to Criticize – and Not Be Hated for It. Many people begin their criticism with sincere praise followed by the word “but” and ending with a critical statement.
For example, in trying to change a child’s careless attitude towards studies, we might say, “We’re proud of you, Johnnie, for raising your grades this term. BUT if you had worked harder on your algebra, the result would have been better.”
This could be overcome by changing the word “but” yo “and.” “We’re really proud of you, Johnnie, for raising your grades this term, AND by continuing the same conscientious efforts next term, your algebra grade can be up with all the others.”
Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
Talk bout Your Own Mistakes First. When we make mistakes we try to hide them or try to confront ourselves but the author suggests that always accept the mistakes and speak up so that the other person can see your transparency and it will also help you while interviewing, we mention our skills always keep in mind write those which you have the skills don’t try to show the skills that you don’t have.
Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
No One Likes to Take Orders. If you want to give an order to someone always ask politely by using the question for like Will you please do this work?. Even if you are a boss or manager. Remember that no one likes to be ordered.
Let the other person save face.
Let the Other Person Save Face. If you want to realize someone their mistake or shortcoming do it privately by discussing with them the problem. Or you can also do it publicly but remember that speak in a nice tone that they don’t feel embarrassed about or their ego won’t hurt.
Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”
How to Spur People on to Success. As we discussed in the earlier principles that hold back criticism and judgment about the people and appreciate them about their small achievements.
The author also specifies three steps to follow:
- Thank you, everyone, for finishing your every work.
- Compliment them about small achievements.
- Be specific – Don’t use the same comments or compliments with everyone.
Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
Give a Dog a Good Name. Every person carries a specific reputation about themselves and people love to carry it with pride. Always specify everyone with their interest or hobbies that they carry.
There is an old saying: “Give a dog a bad name and you may as well hang him.” But give him a good name – and see what happens!
Make the fault seem easy to correct.
Make the Fault Seem Easy to Correct. Praising someone’s good points and minimizing their faults help you to maintain a healthy relationship. Encouraging the people for their achievements and goals they will more likely to feel overwhelmed.
Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
Making People Glad to Do What You Want. The message Dale Carnegie tells by summarizing that encourage people around you, try to see situations from everyone’s perspective, and help people what they want to be. Do good it will come back to you in unexpected ways.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Dale Carnegie (November 24, 1888 – November 1, 1955) was an American writer and lecturer, and the developer of courses in Self Development, Salesmanship, Corporate Training, Public speaking, and interpersonal skills. Born into poverty on a farm in Missouri, he was the author of How to Win Friends and Influence People (1936), a bestseller that remains popular today. He also wrote How to Stop Worrying and Start Living (1948), Lincoln the Unknown (1932), and several other books.
One of the core ideas in his books is that it is possible to change other people’s behavior by changing one’s behavior towards them.